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IN THE HOTSEAT TODAY - FRESH FROM HIS TOUR OF THE STATES - OLYMPIQUE'S SUPER-SUB....
PHIL BELL...
So Bell firstly welcome back to home soil. Did you enjoy your time in the US of A?
Good times for sure, plenty of sun, sand and the other...the girls out there dig an accent so even a euro star like me has their end away. Gambled in vegas, saw the "sites" of San Francisco and bathed in San diego...cant beat Mr St Tropez for a tan though!!
Did you get any 'soccer' practice in or were you to busy rollerskating?
No practise whatsoever, but when you're in fine form and keeping the team afloat there is no need to change.
Do you expect to walk straight back into the BOI lineup?
Well with the drastic decline in form of Mr Turner (ex B&W R.I.P) and a loss on our hands, then perhaps changes are needed, but thats up to the gaffer to decide, we cant take out the prolific Forster now can we??....
I hope thats not supposed to be sarcastic... Kev Turner had a mental image of you rollerskating along the seafront in a pair of hotpants and a hot pink tank top - how accurate is this?
Well i dont skate, own hotpants or have a pink tank top, but i'll let you believe what you want to believe you weird bast@rds
Were you approached by any Major League Soccer teams?
A prolific player like myself ( 9 man of the match nominations and counting...) gets many approaches but i'm dedicated to the Olympique B.O.I cause so natuarally rejected any such advances
Did you find an American version of Castros?
No but i did see Castro's street in San Fransisco, but only passed by it. Some of the clubs I did visit were miles apart from Castros..fine ladys from pillar to post all getting their freak on with Eurobell...i have the pictures!
With all of Olympiques strikers scoring since you have been away and with you having played in a wide variety of postions this season, what position are you targeting on the pitch?
Well i see myself as a skillfull utility player so anywhere in the front half of the pitch will suit me fine, utilising pace, flair, passing and wonderful natural ability...possibly right wing.
Is San Fransisco as gay as we all think it is?
No, its more freaky than gay, lots of those strange "robot men" and street performers trying to earn a quick buck, not so much mincing than meanacing.
Were you approached by Bush?
If thats supposed to be a "funny" play on words then yes in the girls sence plenty of bush...even more than on Forsters tash but in the case of president bush then no.
As we all know. Arnold Schwarzenner is governor of California. If you had to compare yourself to him in one of his movies - which one would it be? A predator? Terminator? or Junior?
It would have to be predator because when i'm on top of my game thats exactly what i'm like in the 18 yard box, i stealth around the box and pounce at the last minute!
With so many defenders out at the moment - especially this weekend - could you see yourself slotting in at right back? or even as a tigerish centre back?
No
You do remember how to play European football? We aren't going to see you trying to 'sack the quarter-back' or pick the ball up and 'run for a touchdown' are we?
With the nickname of "Eurobell" i only know how to play the round ball version of football, but you never know what i'll do for my goal celebration, there could be an american football influence.
You have to score first.We know California is renowned for earthquakes. Was there a special guy oops i mean gal that made the ground shake, rattle and roll for you?
There were a few, this girl with the biggest fake tits that i'd ever seen stirred something in my loins, she was 29, called Abbey, and i stayed with her the whole time i was in Vegas....pure filth!
Not Abi Titmuss? We know she likes a pretty boy. Anyway have you set yourself a goal target for the rest of the season?
As long as i beat Forster i'll be happy, but if i'm stuck out on the wing, i'll be happy to do all the hard work and take the assists.
Did you meet any celebraties?
Well i dont know if you can call her a celebrity, but i met a porn star called Venus. and i thought i caught a glimpse of Barry Manilow in Vegas, because he was doing a show that night and the nose could have been a big clue?!
Did you spread the word of Olympique BOI? Was there any cheerleaders interested in coming over to support us? I'm sure Matt could pay for their flights out of club funds?
People were always interested to know what i did so of course the "semi-professional" team that is Olympique BOI was mentioned on numerous occasions, but alas no cheerleaders were to be seen, perhaps Kev should don the mini skirt and pom poms and cheer us on when he's dropped to the bench for poor performances!
Are you planning on making a return trip in the future? Perhaps to see a special somebody?????
I'll be making my way out there again, gotta give the ladys what they want, but i dont kiss and tell, dont want to be a heart breaker!